My son’s transcript showed he had failed Business Law, a bad start for a kid considering applying to law school for…business law. After emailing his professor to ask the particulars, he stumbled through the day in a haze of misery. When he found himself enjoying something- a joke or nice weather, the happiness was quickly extinguished by the thought, “I’ve failed.” One big worry: how was he going to explain this in a law school interview?
Later that afternoon his professor replied- it was just a mistake. My son’s final exam grade had not been entered into the system yet, which triggered the fail mark. It would be fixed, and my son breathed an enormous sigh of relief. But it took some time to shake that feeling of dread that haunted him for half the day. Anxiety can be sticky.
Many teens, and elementary school kids too, are plagued by anxiety. There’s school- worry about grades, fear of bullying, tense relations with teachers. Home can make a kid anxious too- divorce, yelling, sometimes abuse. Many kids have concerns about their neighborhood- they have to live with the threat of crime, violence, and drug dealers on the corner. Finally, kids see the news too, and worry about the world. They hear stories about environmental collapse, threat of deadly epidemics, and the possibility of nuclear armageddon.
We are born with the tendency to be anxious. Anxiety is a motivator cultivated by evolution, keeping us from getting eaten. Worried about that sabre-toothed tiger eyeing you? Good, run away! Even animals as primitive as lizards have anxiety. Just approach one, watch it twitch and scuttle about, before tearing off.
Some kids and adults are better at handling anxiety than others. And many kids have manifestations of anxiety that look like illness. That’s when we see them in the Emergency Department. Sometimes the signs in kids are subtle- headaches, stomach aches, fatigue. Sometimes they have more concerning symptoms, like chest pain or fainting. And occasionally we see true panic attacks.
When I was in high school, worried about getting grades good enough to be a doctor, I failed a french test. The big red “F” on the paper burned into my brain at first period. But it wasn’t until fifth period that I became shaky, broke out in sweat, and was led sobbing to the nurse. She called my parents to admonish them about putting too much pressure on me. My mom replied, “It’s not us! The stupid doctor thing is all his idea!”
Anxiety can make kids short of breath, and thus parents bring them to the Emergency Department. Some are just hyperventilating, but kids with asthma can have true attacks triggered by anxiety. In fact, in the mid-twentieth century, when medicine was full of freudian theory, many thought asthma was a psychological disorder. Even in the face of real wheezing, the noise was attributed to patients’ “suppressed cries for help”- wheezing was those cries fighting to get out. Fortunately, asthma is now recognized as true disease.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between a panic attack and medical emergencies like asthma. Both kids have trouble breathing. Both complain about chest pain and tightness. And whether their shortness of breath is due to airway narrowing or panic, either kid looks anxious! Occasionally it can be tough for even doctors to tell panic attacks and asthma apart, despite stethoscopes and oxygen monitoring.
How do we manage anxiety? Kids handle anxiety differently. Some aren’t bothered by stress, those proverbial ducks letting worries roll off their backs like water. But some need help. Counseling can help kids tell the difference between true medical problems like headaches and stomachaches, and those symptoms being triggered by worry. Many don’t recognize when they’re having anxiety, and knowing if you’re anxious, and why, is a big step in coping with it.
Counselors can also help kids identify management strategies. For some, exercise helps “burn off” anxiety. For others it’s prayer, meditation, yoga or other relaxation techniques. A few kids need medication, to temporarily get them through rough patches as they learn to cope.
If you think your child is anxious, talk to them about their feelings, and maybe see their doctor to explore it more. You want to do that before worry becomes panic attacks, and needing to come see me.